he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
