Just fell off a train. Bad.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
