I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
