i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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