I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
