sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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