so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
