i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
