she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
