just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
