Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
