At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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