sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
