I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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