It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
