And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
