BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
