Have you finally orgasmed yet?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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