u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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