it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
