____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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