I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
