you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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