I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
