The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
