On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My sheets look like a crime scene.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
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