i already hear my dad disowning me
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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