it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
