I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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