hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
