just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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