I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
