if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
This baby is an asshole
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
