i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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