apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
