I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You are the jesus of drinking
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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