how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
