You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
