Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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