I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
