the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
