eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
