Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
