I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
