Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
