So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
