legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
