sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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