we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
