I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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