Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
