I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
