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Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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